Sunday is No Work Day

I know that there are people who works on a Sunday, but most people don't. And most people don't know that.
Why would a client send me a message,on a Sunday, through facebook informing me that there will be a meeting tomorrow? Can he just give me a break?!!! As far as I know i don't directly report to him. And I am not paid to respond, or should I say I don't work on a weekend. I don't even remember signing a contract with him. He's a company client who signed a contract with my boss. Therefore he should talk to my boss instead of talking to me. It's not my fault that he badly needs income. It's not my fault that he's having a hard time doing he's promotions for his events. And it's not my fault that he doesn't have a life.
Don't get me wrong. I wanted to help and work for his business, but weekends are special to me. It's "me" time.

A Bad Surprise

I was expecting that sooner or later I'll get fired and it wouldn't be a surprise. It's just a gut feel that I will be ditched even if I know I haven't done anything wrong. And it happened.
The real surprise is that my name was used to cover up someone else's shit and i got fired. I was very mad. And furious. And mad. And angry. And frustrated. And mad. And I felt very tired and helpless. I got ditched without a fight. That "someone" whom I thought can be trusted, made a lie about me without any real proof and told her boss about it. I tried fighting back by sending messages to the real boss. But it was useless.Then I stopped. What am I fighting for? Really?
I was angry because all the things that I worked for was gone in a very awful manner. I was angry because I feel small and helpless. I was not prepared for this. I want to move on and leave it behind. I'm still mad. I have no choice but to move on. So help me God.

Not to Outshine Someone

I'm kinda stubborn. Actually, I'm very stubborn . I try not to follow, and do things my way. I also try to impose my ideas because I believe that mine is better than everyone else. With this, I became arrogant. And then I came to a point where in I realized that arrogance is tiring, and my efforts really has no positive outcome. I stopped talking.
I don't know what's with me because I feel bad not putting my ideas to the table. I feel like I stopped being kind and I stopped helping them. This is a sacrifice I have to bear. Anyway, it is a good thing for me because  I'm really not gaining anything from them. So, I will not try to outshine them because they might become better than me and that they might think that I'm a threat. And they might ditch me.
I will not be ditched. Not yet.

Praying for Bad Things to Happen

A friend asked me to help them and I tried giving help in their company activity. But as time goes by, things are not turning out as I wanted it to be. So i decided to stop helping. At first, I felt happy because it was less stress. But now I feel guilty leaving them behind and seeing them sort of progress since the day I came into the picture. And every time I hear about the activity, I feel envy. I know that I am one of the reasons on why they are working now not like before. I also feel like they are looking at me as if I am the devil who left them behind and they are going to prove to me that they can do it without my help. I really feel bad and sorry for myself.
Oh my God! I tried helping them in a way that they should be helped. I don't want to be a bad person but right now I'm sort of praying that they fail. I know how they operate and manage things, and they are really not good at it. I want them to fail so that they could see what's wrong without me telling them. I think it's the best thing to wish for.
I will just observe and contain myself.
God forgive me. Help me out as well.

"Helping Others" Remorse

It is sort of my personal mantra to help people no matter what. It's just that when I'm helping, I do get stressed out. It is o.k.. But I just realized that if its exhausting and you are really not gaining anything from it, just "stress", I think helping is not worth it.
Helping others without expecting nothing in return is an act of kindness. Helping others with expectation is a law of economics. Now I'm torn between being a saint and being an economist.
Its hard to see people, that you are trying to help, gain more and become better than you are. And at the end of it all, just because you stopped helping, you become the bad person. They look at you as if you just want to make a big drama, and you look at them with envy because they are getting closer to success. I hate it!
I have to forgive myself for trusting.

Like or Unlike

I do get to see a lot of pictures of my friends on Facebook; selfie shots, travel pics, pigging out, outfit-of-the-day, and whatever hash tagged posts. I feel envy every time I see a picture posted. I envy them, not just because they went here, they've eaten there, they wore this, blah blah blah, but because they are happy. Clicking "Like" is like saying "I envy you so much".
But a thought came through my mind. Maybe they're not really happy. They're just pretending to be happy. They really don't have a lot of things to do so they took a picture of whatever they've been through and posted it. And then you pretend that you're happy for them. But the truth is your not. You're neither happy nor sad. You're cool with it but your brain is screaming "so what?!?"
I miss those Kodak moments kept in an album, and pictures kept for memories.

Having No Job

I never thought that having no job could be this difficult. It is more difficult than having one. Everyday is a question of "what to do?". You wake up every morning waiting for something. Something that your brain can digest, and maybe it could make sense of what the day might be.
When I was in high school (a Catholic one), we had this "Christian Living" subject. The teacher in that subject asked our class on why do people need to have a job. Because we are in our teens and we had no idea what a job really means, we all thought that having a job is essential to attain basic needs like food and clothing. Our teacher agreed. But then she told us that the real reason on why a person needs to have a job is because of self pride and the feeling of importance.
I don't have self pride. I don't have the feeling of importance. I don't have a job. And I feel difficult.
Tomorrow would be another question.