"Helping Others" Remorse

It is sort of my personal mantra to help people no matter what. It's just that when I'm helping, I do get stressed out. It is o.k.. But I just realized that if its exhausting and you are really not gaining anything from it, just "stress", I think helping is not worth it.
Helping others without expecting nothing in return is an act of kindness. Helping others with expectation is a law of economics. Now I'm torn between being a saint and being an economist.
Its hard to see people, that you are trying to help, gain more and become better than you are. And at the end of it all, just because you stopped helping, you become the bad person. They look at you as if you just want to make a big drama, and you look at them with envy because they are getting closer to success. I hate it!
I have to forgive myself for trusting.

Like or Unlike

I do get to see a lot of pictures of my friends on Facebook; selfie shots, travel pics, pigging out, outfit-of-the-day, and whatever hash tagged posts. I feel envy every time I see a picture posted. I envy them, not just because they went here, they've eaten there, they wore this, blah blah blah, but because they are happy. Clicking "Like" is like saying "I envy you so much".
But a thought came through my mind. Maybe they're not really happy. They're just pretending to be happy. They really don't have a lot of things to do so they took a picture of whatever they've been through and posted it. And then you pretend that you're happy for them. But the truth is your not. You're neither happy nor sad. You're cool with it but your brain is screaming "so what?!?"
I miss those Kodak moments kept in an album, and pictures kept for memories.

Having No Job

I never thought that having no job could be this difficult. It is more difficult than having one. Everyday is a question of "what to do?". You wake up every morning waiting for something. Something that your brain can digest, and maybe it could make sense of what the day might be.
When I was in high school (a Catholic one), we had this "Christian Living" subject. The teacher in that subject asked our class on why do people need to have a job. Because we are in our teens and we had no idea what a job really means, we all thought that having a job is essential to attain basic needs like food and clothing. Our teacher agreed. But then she told us that the real reason on why a person needs to have a job is because of self pride and the feeling of importance.
I don't have self pride. I don't have the feeling of importance. I don't have a job. And I feel difficult.
Tomorrow would be another question.

prayer for peace

Lord Jesus, we come to you in our need. Create in us an awareness of the massive forces of conflict that threaten our world today. And grant us a sense of urgency to activate the forces of goodness, of justice, of love, and of peace. Where there is armed conflict, let us stretch out our arms to our brothers and sisters. Where there is abundance, let there be simple lifestyle and sharing. Where there is poverty, let there be dignified living and constant striving for just structures. Where there is selfish ambition, let there be humble service. Where there is injustice, let there be atonement. Where there is despair, let there be hope in the Good News. Where there are wounds of division, let there be unity and wholeness. Help us to be commited to the building of your kingdom, not seeking to be cared for but to care; not expecting to be served but to place ourselves in the service of others; not aspiring to be materially inscure but to place our security in Your love. Teach us Your spirit, for it is only in loving imitation of You, Lord, that we can discover the healing springs of life that will bring about new birth to our earth and hope for the world. Amen Our Lady Queen of Peace, pray for us.